my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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