So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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