And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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