He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
