Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
