HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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