I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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