Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
