help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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