you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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