he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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