did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
