She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
