When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
