I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
