i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
