You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
