Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
