Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
