woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
