dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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