Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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