Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
