sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
