i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
