There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
