I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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