Betty ford says i'm here all night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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