Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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