quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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