tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ketchup is God's man juice
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
