you would pick up someone in the library
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
