$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
