Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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