hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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