Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
