I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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