Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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