My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
