I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
