I feel like abortions should bother me more
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
