Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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