how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
