i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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