You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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