Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just forgot I was standing up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
