Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
