A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
