Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
