It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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