Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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