I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
