you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
