No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
