All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
