Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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