how can u be prego again
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
