my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
