I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
