my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
