kristin has been a bad kristin
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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