He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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