when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
