wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Randomize
