**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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