Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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