Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
