my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
