I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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