Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
