she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Duck Duck Cougar?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
