Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
