dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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