Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
