Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
