Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
