How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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