Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
