thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
