You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We are two peas in an std pod
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
