you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can feel your judgement through the phone
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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