Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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