listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
