I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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