god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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